Posts Tagged ‘self-esteem’

Vibrant After Fifty Blog Talk Radio Show

Thursday, July 23rd, 2009

Today’s radio show was again on strengthening emotional energy.  The focus was on establishing good boundaries.  In order to make the most of life after fifty we need energy and having strong boundaries frees us so we can make our dreams a reality.

Are you familiar with the  phrase: Circle of Confidence?  I think  it is a wonderful way of describing our boundaries.  The smaller our boundaries the less confidence we have and the larger our boundaries the more confidence we have. In actuality boundaries are imaginary lines that we have around ourselves.  They define us - where we start and where we end. For instance someone with weak boundaries will let others make decisions for him/her.  They will have trouble saying appropriate NOs and feel taken advantage of.

Three ways to increase the level of confidence:

1. Believe that you have a right to feel good about yourself.

2. Develop confidence by taking responsibility for yourself.

3. Allow others to help you build your level of confidence.

As  your confidence grows you will experience a change in the invisible boundary circle around you. You will trust yourself more and go after what you want.  You will follow through and make your second half of life  the best time of yur life.

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Posted in Grow With Kristina, boomers and beyond, self-growth, vibrant after fifty | 3 Comments »

Relationships Foster or Stifle Communication

Thursday, May 28th, 2009

Communication occurs in between people.  When communication is open it is easy.  There is an understood freedom to comment on anything and communication is growth-producing.  When communication is closed there are  overt or silent messages that one has to be careful about what one says.  The result is that self-worth is defined more and more by other people and self-esteem is low.

How does one go about changing communication so it is open and growth -enhancing?  We all share the  common human need that we  desire to feel good about ourselves.  If we grew up in homes where parents did not know how to teach good communication skills  we can, now that we are adults, unlearn the messages and behaviors that diminish us.

An example comes to mind.  Molly was angry at her husband because he always got his way.  As I helped Molly look at her part in their marital balance it became apparent that, whenever there was a disagreement,  she gave in.  As she became aware of her part in the relationship balance she started to initiate change.  She realized that conflict made her uneasy and her tendency was to quickly acquiesce.  As she strengthened her “speak up for myself” muscle she saw that her husband was not as unreasonable as she thought he was.

If we want to change communication patterns the only person we have control over is ourselves.  By one person  working on communicating by being clear, direct, and growth producing everyone’s self-esteem is enhanced.

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Posted in Grow With Kristina, communication | 2 Comments »

Does Emotional Fitness Create Happiness?

Saturday, November 22nd, 2008

What creates happiness?  The pursuit of it is promised to us as an inalienable right. I like the word pursuit because it puts responsibility on us to attain it.  The right may be there, but we have to pursue it and create it for ourselves.  Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, author of “Finding Flow,” maintains that people are happiest when they are challenging themselves with tasks that require skill and commitment.  He maintains that it is the act of being actively engaged that gives people the greatest pleasure. I find that this is true for me. Studies have repeatedly shown that money does not bring happiness, though it makes life easier.

How does this tie in with emotional fitness?  People who are emotionally fit like who they are and create opportunities for themselves that challenge them.  By continuing to grow one’s emotional fitness, the ability to deal with what life brings is greatly increased.  Happiness is not a constant state, but living a life of engagement is a good guarantee for having a lot of it.

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Posted in Grow With Kristina | No Comments »

Growing Starts on the Inside

Friday, August 8th, 2008

Just like plants start their growth from pushing their roots out of the soil we people grow from the inside out. It is in our souls and hearts and minds that we know who we are. As we grow on the inside our lives change on the outside. My Black-Eyed Susans are beautiful this year because they get plenty of sun and water and have soil that nourishes them. Likewise the more we value ourselves the better care we will take of ourselves.

The desire to keep growing comes from the inside. It is not time limited but possible at any age. When we set an intention for ourselves and take action to achieve it we expand who we are. If we desire to have a healthy body there are steps we have to take to make it happen. It is putting the desire into action that feels empowering.  Each step we take stretches us and pushes us in ways we may not even have imagined.

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Grow by Making Changes

Wednesday, July 16th, 2008

There is a curious dichotomy about making changes. The more we accept ourselves as being fine just the way we are, the easier it becomes to grow in new directions. Why is that? By seeing ourselves as being OK and whole, we no longer have to worry about completing what is not OK. It frees us up to expand who we are because we want to and not because we have to make ourselves OK.

How does one grow as a person? There are two ways to look at change: 1. do something differently and 2. view something differently. Within all of us there is an inborn drive to keep growing. Life is in constant change around us. We limit ourselves when we forget to do it consciously. What keeps us vibrant and alive is to 1. change the doing and 2. change the viewing in order to grow into the person we want to be.

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Posted in Making Changes | No Comments »