Posts Tagged ‘grow as a person’
Monday, February 15th, 2010
“You have to expect things of yourself before you can do them” is a quote by Michael Jordan. It is evident that he expected a lot from himself and worked hard to achieve excellence in basketball and life. I think that expectations are powerful. I see expectations as being different from goals.
When we have goals we can set steps for how to achieve them. We may attain them or not. Expectations have to do with our sense of self and reflect how we value ourselves. However directions that are truly driven by our expectations of ourselves, propel us forward toward what we envision for ourselves. I think this is the kind of expectation Michael Jordan must have had of himself.
When we are in relationships we have to balance the expectations we have of ourselves, with the expectations of our partner, and what our expectations are of the relationship. This three fold task involves a sharing of hopes and dreams with each other and a formulation of joint expectations.
Then if a couple also adds children there is the balancing of the child’s expectations of him/herself and the realistic assessment of potential that guide the parent’s expectations.
After raising three children I think that besides loving them the most important contribution we made was to expect them to use whatever talents and gifts they had while teaching them effective skills for managing life responsibly.
Tags: expectations, grow as a person, Kristina von Rosenvinge, self-growth
Posted in Grow With Kristina, relationship skills | No Comments »
Saturday, January 30th, 2010
At least once a week I get an email promising fantastic changes in my life. All I would have to do is sign up with the sender’s program. Promises of financial success, no fail business ventures, finding the right partner, true happiness and so on, all by taking a brief course or program. Who wouldn’t want that?
However reality is that most of us have to work diligently at the changes we want to have happen in our life.
Change takes persistence, commitment and time. Maintaining good health involves regular exercise and good eating habits. Being a loving partner is a life long undertaking. It can not be achieved from a weekend program or a course regardless of what has been promised. True love comes by working on the relationship every day.
To be a parent in a fair and caring takes a daily commitment. Likewise, to be effective at work requires additional learning and trusting ones abilities. Most of all life requires us to keep growing and changing when necessary.
Making changes takes a serious commitment to be the best person one can be. And that in itself is a life long evolving journey.
Tags: grow, grow as a person, Making Changes, self-growth
Posted in Making Changes | No Comments »
Wednesday, January 6th, 2010
In my last blog I talked about the value of making a commitment to yourself. When we are truly committed to something we don’t feel the need to strive. I shared how I have made a commitment to exercise regularly but I did not accomplish a 30 day blog challenge. The difference was that I had impulsively agreed to the challenge without really making an internal commitment to accomplish the task. With commitment comes a sureness that makes the task something you just do.
This leads me to my next point. Goals are future focused. And that is fine. It only becomes a problem if the future becomes our reality. For instance lets assume that Molly’s goal is to lose 25 pounds. If she sees herself as being OK only after she loses the weight she is going to have a hard time sticking to the goal she has set for herself. The reason is that she is future focused. Far better is she can accept herself in the present. By liking herself just the way she is in the present she will look at her desire to lose weight differently. She will choose to work on losing weight because she wants to be healthy.
Life becomes richer if we truly live in the present and make the most of every day. If we do that the future will evolve in ways that we may not even imagine.
Tags: grow as a person, live in the present, motivation, self-mastery
Posted in Grow With Kristina, Making Changes, growth mindset | No Comments »
Saturday, December 19th, 2009
Control in relationships gets complicated. There are several ways that control affects relationships. In healthy relationships it is important for each person to be in control of self. That means that each takes responsibility for his/her own feelings and thinking. This kind of control increases self-worth and enhances the well being of the relationship.
Another way that control is referred to in relationships is when someone says “he/she is controlling me.” That happens when one person insists in having things his/her way. It makes it impossible for the other person to be accepted for who he/she is. The “controlling person’s” reality takes precedence. This kind of control is destructive to relationships.
There are also substances that take control of people. Alcohol, prescription drugs, etc. can all develop control over a person’s ability to function freely which greatly impacts relationships.
The more effort people put into growing in being in control of themselves the less they are willing to put up with relationships that limit self-growth. Instead, they look for and create relationships that are based on respect, friendship, and love.
Tags: grow, grow as a person, Kristina von Rosenvinge, relationship support
Posted in Grow With Kristina, Making Changes, relationships | No Comments »
Tuesday, September 22nd, 2009
Do you have a growth mindset or a fixed mindset? I have been fascinated for a long time as to how come some people remain active and involved throughout life and others end up limiting themselves. Recently I have been reading about the groundbreaking ideas on mindset put forth by Dr. Carol Dweck a psychologist at Stanford University. This is what she found upon studying success and achievement:
1. The fixed mindset people believe that their basic qualities like intelligence and talent are fixed traits. They do not develop their intelligence and talents believing that just having them will assure success.
2. The growth mindset people believe that their basic abilities can be developed through hard work. They view intelligence and talent as being the starting point. They are willing to dedicate time and effort to developing their intelligence and talents.
I happen to believe that someone with a fixed mindset can develop a growth mindset when he/she finds a compelling reason to do so. I have been in the people-growing field all of my professional life and have seen over and over how people have been able to take leadership of their own lives. They have shifted their fixed mindset to a growth mindset. The reason for this shift was that they were not happy with how their life was going. They used this unhappiness as a launchpad to embark on the journey of growth. I have known people with a growth mindset who discovered that they could evolve their lives even more. The compelling reason for these mindset shifts has been a deep desire to feel happy, have meaningful relationships, and to make the most of ones abilities and talents.
Tags: adapt to change, grow as a person, Kristina von Rosenvinge, relationships. grow your potential
Posted in Grow With Kristina, Making Changes, communication, self-growth | 2 Comments »
Tuesday, September 15th, 2009
A friend of mine who is an action taker has as her byline: “Saying nothing sometimes says the most.” She gets involved in causes she believes in because to say nothing to her means she does not care. As I look back on my life I can see that there have been many times when I said nothing even though I felt deeply about the issue at hand. At the same time I know that I feel better about myself when I use my voice to express what I think both in my family and in my other interactions.
I started wondering why it is that so often we do not use our voice. I have coached many people who initially limited themselves by their silence. They knew what they want and needed but were loath to express it. They worried what others would think. The fear of possibly getting ridiculed, put down, laughed at got in the way of actually expressing what really mattered to them. This mindset means that saying nothing becomes a powerful way of communicating. To others it appears that there are no concerns.
Using our voices gives us power. However, this power has to be balances with also listening to the voices of others. When we do that we are more apt to find solutions to what matters to us. Saying nothing, when we know better, is a way of shutting down a part of ourselves. Then “saying nothing sometimes says the most” becomes communication that will leave us feeling powerless.
Tags: communication, empower, grow as a person, Kristina von Rosenvinge
Posted in Grow With Kristina, communication, self-growth | 3 Comments »
Monday, August 24th, 2009
An artist friend of mine is working on a series about walls going up when relationships end. I will be eager to see how she depicts that in her paintings. As we talked I said to her that so much of my work is helping people take down emotional walls that have been in their way of being able to form close intimate relationships.
My expertise is helping people grow. As a result of our life experiences we all put up walls that ostensibly protect us from getting hurt. These walls at one time no doubt were useful. We keep these walls up even in situations where we no longer need them. As adults we have the opportunity to reevaluate which walls we still need and which walls we can safely let down. If we do not do that we may well be limiting our ability to form close meaningful relationships.
Molly had struggled with relationships. Two marriages had ended and now she was in a relationship with a man with whom she had lived for the past five years. There was so much that she liked about the relationship but she described the relationship as that of two great roommates. After experiencing a health crisis a while back she found herself longing for more emotional closeness with him.
Molly feared that by showing her emotional need for more closeness she was showing vulnerability and would lose her independence. First of all she had to understand that her partner had a similar fear since he also was not asking for more closeness. Secondly, she learned that no one could take her independence away from her because no one else had control over her. As she trusted herself more she began asking for what she needed and was able to accept his positive responses and not take it personally when he didn’t respond the way she had hoped for.
When we work on our own self-growth the walls we no longer need come tumbling down. They need to be replaced by strong walls that allow us to be truly in charge of ourselves and enjoy close relationships.
Tags: grow, grow as a person, Kristina von Rosenvinge, relationships
Posted in Grow With Kristina, Making Changes, relationships, self-growth | 1 Comment »
Wednesday, June 17th, 2009
In order to be fully engaged in life we have to have energy. Yet a very common refrain that I hear from people is that they do not have enough energy to do what they want to do. So they spend considerable time in passive activities like watching TV or sports. That being the case, the task ahead is to discover and develop sources of energy for renewal. What can we do to create more energy?
We need two kinds of energy: physical and emotional. How can we attain more physical energy? We have to remember that energy is our fundamental source of fuel for being able to be alert, concentrate and stay on tasks. We get this fuel from the foods we eat and how we care for the health of our body. At any age, but especially as we get older, it is important to review our eating and exercise habits.
There is an other source of fuel for living . That is emotional energy. It starts with developing a positive attitude about life. It is incredible how draining a negative attitude can be. Negativity is a well known energy zapper. Unless one is in a serious depression it will take practice to change ones negative mindset. It is well worth the effort because by creating a positive mindset we increase the quality of our lives.
Tags: communication, grow, grow as a person, Kristina von Rosenvinge
Posted in Grow With Kristina, communication, relationships, self-growth | 1 Comment »
Thursday, June 4th, 2009
I am finally going to have my own Blog Talk Radio Show. The title is: Second Act Success for Baby Boomers and Beyond. The shortened version is Second Act Success. The focus of the show will be on how to make this the best time of your life.
In the second half of life the emphasis what matters shift to desiring inner happiness, having meaningful relationships, and being able to pursue ones passions. There are many people who yearn for those things but they talk them selves out of attaining them. In my radio show I will be giving specific tools for what to do in order to achieve Second Act Success. Of course each of us defines success in our own way. That is how it should be since we are all unique. The beauty is that as mature adults we have the power within us to create our life so we feel successful.
As soon as I have set up the date and time of the Second Act Success show I will post it here, twitter about it, and spread it on facebook.
Tags: baby boomers, grow, grow as a person, happiness, Kristina von Rosenvinge, self-growth
Posted in Grow With Kristina, Making Changes, self-growth | No Comments »
Thursday, May 28th, 2009
Communication occurs in between people. When communication is open it is easy. There is an understood freedom to comment on anything and communication is growth-producing. When communication is closed there are overt or silent messages that one has to be careful about what one says. The result is that self-worth is defined more and more by other people and self-esteem is low.
How does one go about changing communication so it is open and growth -enhancing? We all share the common human need that we desire to feel good about ourselves. If we grew up in homes where parents did not know how to teach good communication skills we can, now that we are adults, unlearn the messages and behaviors that diminish us.
An example comes to mind. Molly was angry at her husband because he always got his way. As I helped Molly look at her part in their marital balance it became apparent that, whenever there was a disagreement, she gave in. As she became aware of her part in the relationship balance she started to initiate change. She realized that conflict made her uneasy and her tendency was to quickly acquiesce. As she strengthened her “speak up for myself” muscle she saw that her husband was not as unreasonable as she thought he was.
If we want to change communication patterns the only person we have control over is ourselves. By one person working on communicating by being clear, direct, and growth producing everyone’s self-esteem is enhanced.
Tags: communication, conflict, grow as a person, Kristina von Rosenvinge, relationships, self-esteem
Posted in Grow With Kristina, communication | 2 Comments »
