Posts Tagged ‘empower’

Why Self-Growth and Relationship Skills?

Friday, January 15th, 2010

I have been asked as to why on this site I stress  both self-growth and relationship skills.  Why not just focus on one or the other.  In my mind they are linked.

I think  that it is through  self-growth  that positive changes occur in  marriages/relationships. The stronger one’s self-worth (the result of self-growth) the easier it becomes to see the partner as a separate unique person.  This clearer sense of self makes it possible to look at conflicts objectively and jointly look for solutions. By valuing who we are we can love others.

Molly and Doug are a couple who have struggled in their marriage.  They both feel emotionally vulnerable and easily become defensive and upset with the other.  They tend to blame each other for their unhappiness. They   have had to look for and appreciate their own strengths and uniqueness instead of waiting for the partner to make him/her OK.  As they have taken responsibility to let each other know what they think and feel they have been able to proceed with finding solutions to many of their concerns.  Over the next couple weeks I will be developing many of these ideas further.

Look for my new website http://www.Rekindle Your Relationship.com in another two weeks. There you will find a free 33 Tips booklet on Rekindling Your Love.

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Posted in Grow With Kristina, Making Changes, relationship skills | No Comments »

Communication:”Saying Nothing Sometimes Says The Most”

Tuesday, September 15th, 2009

A friend of mine who is an action taker has as her byline: “Saying nothing sometimes says the most.” She gets involved in causes she believes in because to say nothing  to her means she does not care.  As I look back on my life I can see that there have been  many times when I said nothing even though I felt deeply about the issue at hand.  At the same time I know that I feel better about myself when I use my voice to express what I think both in my family and in my other interactions.

I started wondering why  it is that so often we do not use our voice.  I have coached many people who initially limited themselves by their silence. They  knew what they want and needed but were loath to express it.  They worried  what others would  think.  The fear of possibly getting ridiculed, put down, laughed at got in the way of actually expressing what really mattered to them.  This mindset means that saying nothing becomes a powerful  way of  communicating.   To others it appears that there are no concerns.

Using our voices gives us power.  However, this power has to be balances with also listening to the voices of others.  When we do that we are more apt to find solutions to what matters to us.  Saying nothing, when we know better,  is a way of shutting down a part of ourselves. Then “saying nothing  sometimes says the most” becomes communication that will leave us feeling powerless.

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Posted in Grow With Kristina, communication, self-growth | 3 Comments »

Vibrant After Fifty Blog Talk Radio Show

Thursday, July 23rd, 2009

Today’s radio show was again on strengthening emotional energy.  The focus was on establishing good boundaries.  In order to make the most of life after fifty we need energy and having strong boundaries frees us so we can make our dreams a reality.

Are you familiar with the  phrase: Circle of Confidence?  I think  it is a wonderful way of describing our boundaries.  The smaller our boundaries the less confidence we have and the larger our boundaries the more confidence we have. In actuality boundaries are imaginary lines that we have around ourselves.  They define us - where we start and where we end. For instance someone with weak boundaries will let others make decisions for him/her.  They will have trouble saying appropriate NOs and feel taken advantage of.

Three ways to increase the level of confidence:

1. Believe that you have a right to feel good about yourself.

2. Develop confidence by taking responsibility for yourself.

3. Allow others to help you build your level of confidence.

As  your confidence grows you will experience a change in the invisible boundary circle around you. You will trust yourself more and go after what you want.  You will follow through and make your second half of life  the best time of yur life.

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Posted in Grow With Kristina, boomers and beyond, self-growth, vibrant after fifty | 3 Comments »

Be OK With Who You Are

Monday, June 1st, 2009

Recently I came across this quote by Louis Hay that I really love because it captures the essence of self empowerment.  ” When you make it OK to be yourself then you automatically allow others to be themselves.  Their little habits no longer bother you so much.  You release the need to “change them” as you want them to be. As you stop judging others, they release the need to judge you.  Everybody gets to be free.”

The goal of self empowerment work is to be happy and content with the kind of person you are.  It means accepting yourself just the way you are.  When you stop judging yourself you free yourself up to make some of the changes you would like to make.  You are no longer saying to yourself  “I will be OK after I do this or that”. Instead by accepting yourself as being OK you can put your energy into doing the things you would like to change.  For instance if you want to be healthier you may start an exercise program and eat more nutritious food.  You are doing this because you want to increase the quality of your health and well being.  You are no longer judging your merit rather you are making changes because you choose to do them.

Letting go of judging self and others is freeing and allows you to be the kind of person you are meant to be.

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Posted in Grow With Kristina, Making Changes, self-growth | No Comments »

Relationship Skill: Validate Yourself

Saturday, April 18th, 2009

One of the most important skills to learn is how to validate ourselves and others.  We have to really believe that we are not what we do.   We are valuable because of who we are.

I am reminded of this lovely young woman who agonized about the soup she was preparing for a  get together of work colleagues..  Her anxiety about what others would think was sky high.  At some point I said to her ” You are not your soup”.   As she began to relax she was able to remind herself that she volunteered to bring the soup because it was always a favorite.  Besides these were all people that she cared about so the task for her became to enjoy the other people.  The soup was a success. The best part was that by showing interest in the others she had a great time.  No doubt we can recall situations where our anxiety about ourselves became our preoccupation and we lost sight of  focusing on others.

Tip of the day:

You are not what you do, you are valuable because of who you are.

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Posted in Grow With Kristina, relationship skills, self-growth | 1 Comment »

Are You Caught in the “If Only” Hold?

Wednesday, August 27th, 2008

How often have you heard people say that they would do something “if only” that would happen first? I see “if only” as the biggest reason why people in their second half of life find themselves on hold. They are waiting for something to happen first. I certainly understand that since I have done my share of waiting. In actuality we wait because it is scary to move out of our comfort zone and go after what we really would like for ourselves. The other big factor is inertia. It takes energy to do anything differently.

Here are some ways to push through your comfort zone. Hold the big picture of what you envision for yourself as a beacon in the distance. Then start taking small steps that make you feel good if you accomplish them. It could be making the bed daily, straightening up your desk, etc., anything that gives you a sense of accomplishment. The key is to establish regular routines for yourself that you can do. When they become habits you add new steps. Starting a regular exercise routine will ensure that you create energy for yourself in order to push through the inertia.

We now know that the human brain has plasticity and that we can keep growing throughout our lives. That puts the responsibility on each of us to take care of our bodies, minds, and spirit. 

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Posted in Grow With Kristina | No Comments »