Archive for the ‘self-growth’ Category
Tuesday, September 22nd, 2009
Do you have a growth mindset or a fixed mindset? I have been fascinated for a long time as to how come some people remain active and involved throughout life and others end up limiting themselves. Recently I have been reading about the groundbreaking ideas on mindset put forth by Dr. Carol Dweck a psychologist at Stanford University. This is what she found upon studying success and achievement:
1. The fixed mindset people believe that their basic qualities like intelligence and talent are fixed traits. They do not develop their intelligence and talents believing that just having them will assure success.
2. The growth mindset people believe that their basic abilities can be developed through hard work. They view intelligence and talent as being the starting point. They are willing to dedicate time and effort to developing their intelligence and talents.
I happen to believe that someone with a fixed mindset can develop a growth mindset when he/she finds a compelling reason to do so. I have been in the people-growing field all of my professional life and have seen over and over how people have been able to take leadership of their own lives. They have shifted their fixed mindset to a growth mindset. The reason for this shift was that they were not happy with how their life was going. They used this unhappiness as a launchpad to embark on the journey of growth. I have known people with a growth mindset who discovered that they could evolve their lives even more. The compelling reason for these mindset shifts has been a deep desire to feel happy, have meaningful relationships, and to make the most of ones abilities and talents.
Tags: adapt to change, grow as a person, Kristina von Rosenvinge, relationships. grow your potential
Posted in Grow With Kristina, Making Changes, communication, self-growth | 2 Comments »
Tuesday, September 15th, 2009
A friend of mine who is an action taker has as her byline: “Saying nothing sometimes says the most.” She gets involved in causes she believes in because to say nothing to her means she does not care. As I look back on my life I can see that there have been many times when I said nothing even though I felt deeply about the issue at hand. At the same time I know that I feel better about myself when I use my voice to express what I think both in my family and in my other interactions.
I started wondering why it is that so often we do not use our voice. I have coached many people who initially limited themselves by their silence. They knew what they want and needed but were loath to express it. They worried what others would think. The fear of possibly getting ridiculed, put down, laughed at got in the way of actually expressing what really mattered to them. This mindset means that saying nothing becomes a powerful way of communicating. To others it appears that there are no concerns.
Using our voices gives us power. However, this power has to be balances with also listening to the voices of others. When we do that we are more apt to find solutions to what matters to us. Saying nothing, when we know better, is a way of shutting down a part of ourselves. Then “saying nothing sometimes says the most” becomes communication that will leave us feeling powerless.
Tags: communication, empower, grow as a person, Kristina von Rosenvinge
Posted in Grow With Kristina, communication, self-growth | 3 Comments »
Wednesday, September 9th, 2009
Most couples who are struggling with their relationship will say that the problem is communication. It looks like communication is the issue but the difficulty generally is more than words. Indeed they are frustrated with their communication but beneath that struggle is the dilemma of not knowing how to create a sense of WE in their relationship.
Here is what I mean. These couples have not learned that a loving caring relationship is more than two individuals. There is a third part which is caring about the well-being of the relationship.. Most of these couples handle their day to day responsibilities rather well but feel emotionally alone. I call these relationships “the married singles”. They each fear that by truly hearing and thinking of their partner they will end up losing something of themselves.
In healthy relationships that does not happen. The three parts: I, you and we are present at all times and of equal importance. This is a self-growth and relationship skill that can be learned. The key is that each person will take full responsibility for him/herself and at the same time for the well being of the relationship. It means learning to be aware not just of self but also thinking about how will what I say or do affect our relationship. By simultaneously thinking “WE and US” communication and the relationship will be strengthened.
Tags: communication, relationships, self-mastery
Posted in communication, relationship skills, relationships, self-growth | 5 Comments »
Tuesday, September 1st, 2009
When someone comes to me with relationship issues the question invariably comes up: how can our relationship get better if he/she refuses to come? The answer I give is: you will have to do the couple’s work yourself and I will teach you how to do it. This immediately elicits varied responses depending on the life situation of the person I am talking to. I go on to explain that I have no control over the outcome of his/her relationship since that is for them to figure out. I can, however, help with self-growth and as that gets stronger the confidence to bring up and work for solutions with the absent partner will increase.
I work from the premise that all people deserve the right to full expression of who they are. Relationships encourage this full expression or hinder it. I teach people to think of relationships as having a life of their own. To think in terms of there being three separate parts: I, you, and we. All three are engaged in the independence/dependence dance. The balance in the relationship works the way it does because both people do their part. By increasing self-growth skills of one person the balance in the relationship changes. The result is that either the relationship becomes enhanced or it becomes clear that it will not grow.
This fall I will be teaching a teleclass on Self-growth and Relationships. I am still looking for a catchy name. Check back here for dates and times.
Tags: emotional fitness, Kristina von Rosenvinge, self-mastery, selfgrowth
Posted in relationship skills, self-growth | 2 Comments »
Monday, August 24th, 2009
An artist friend of mine is working on a series about walls going up when relationships end. I will be eager to see how she depicts that in her paintings. As we talked I said to her that so much of my work is helping people take down emotional walls that have been in their way of being able to form close intimate relationships.
My expertise is helping people grow. As a result of our life experiences we all put up walls that ostensibly protect us from getting hurt. These walls at one time no doubt were useful. We keep these walls up even in situations where we no longer need them. As adults we have the opportunity to reevaluate which walls we still need and which walls we can safely let down. If we do not do that we may well be limiting our ability to form close meaningful relationships.
Molly had struggled with relationships. Two marriages had ended and now she was in a relationship with a man with whom she had lived for the past five years. There was so much that she liked about the relationship but she described the relationship as that of two great roommates. After experiencing a health crisis a while back she found herself longing for more emotional closeness with him.
Molly feared that by showing her emotional need for more closeness she was showing vulnerability and would lose her independence. First of all she had to understand that her partner had a similar fear since he also was not asking for more closeness. Secondly, she learned that no one could take her independence away from her because no one else had control over her. As she trusted herself more she began asking for what she needed and was able to accept his positive responses and not take it personally when he didn’t respond the way she had hoped for.
When we work on our own self-growth the walls we no longer need come tumbling down. They need to be replaced by strong walls that allow us to be truly in charge of ourselves and enjoy close relationships.
Tags: grow, grow as a person, Kristina von Rosenvinge, relationships
Posted in Grow With Kristina, Making Changes, relationships, self-growth | 1 Comment »
Tuesday, August 18th, 2009
I have been a real advocate for developing a positive attitude. Recently there was an interesting brief article in my local paper which caught my attention. Finally, there is medical validity that an optimistic attitude is good for the heart. The question raised in the study was: Does a person’s outlook on life-whether, for instance, they think good things or bad things will happen in the future, affect the health of his or her heart?
In this study were 97,253 women, 50 to 79 years old, who did not have cardiovascular disease at the beginning of the study. The finding that impressed me so was that in the next 8 years the women with the most optimistic attitude were and I will quote ” 9% less likely to develop heart disease, 14% less likely to die prematurely from any cause and 39% less likely to die from heart disease than were women deemed to be the most pessimistic”.
I have maintained all along that having an optimistic attitude is good for over all health and well being but finally here are convincing results that validate it. There are three other important factors for strengthening ones attitude: 1. you feel better,2. you have more friends, 3. life is more fun. Fortunately the people who are in the habit of being pessimistic (unless suffering from serious depression) can learn to change their attitude and improve their health.
Posted in Grow With Kristina, boomers and beyond, self-growth | No Comments »
Wednesday, August 12th, 2009
People who keep growing realize they have to change some habits. Many of our habits make life easier while we may have others that get in our way of getting what we want for ourselves. It is our habits that keep us repeating life in the same way. In order to make changes we have to be willing to move out of our comfort zone. If we do not do that we tend to limit our self-growth.
A skill to remember is to strengthen habits rather than eliminate habits. For instance, if you want to lose weight strengthen your health habit. By re-framing your goal to: “I want to be healthy” you take a positive approach. Now you can put your energy into strengthening you habits of eating, exercise, and relationships among others. If, instead, you focused on what you shouldn’t eat you would soon feel discouraged and deprived.
There is a common saying claiming that it takes 21 days to change a habit. It is a good guideline to keep in mind as you practice strengthening habits that you know will help you have success.
Tags: change, grow, Kristina von Rosenvinge, self-mastery
Posted in Making Changes, self-growth | No Comments »
Thursday, July 23rd, 2009
Today’s radio show was again on strengthening emotional energy. The focus was on establishing good boundaries. In order to make the most of life after fifty we need energy and having strong boundaries frees us so we can make our dreams a reality.
Are you familiar with the phrase: Circle of Confidence? I think it is a wonderful way of describing our boundaries. The smaller our boundaries the less confidence we have and the larger our boundaries the more confidence we have. In actuality boundaries are imaginary lines that we have around ourselves. They define us - where we start and where we end. For instance someone with weak boundaries will let others make decisions for him/her. They will have trouble saying appropriate NOs and feel taken advantage of.
Three ways to increase the level of confidence:
1. Believe that you have a right to feel good about yourself.
2. Develop confidence by taking responsibility for yourself.
3. Allow others to help you build your level of confidence.
As your confidence grows you will experience a change in the invisible boundary circle around you. You will trust yourself more and go after what you want. You will follow through and make your second half of life the best time of yur life.
Tags: baby boomers, emotional fitness, empower, Kristina von Rosenvinge, second half of life, self-esteem
Posted in Grow With Kristina, boomers and beyond, self-growth, vibrant after fifty | 3 Comments »
Wednesday, July 15th, 2009
Is it really possible that I have not blogged for almost a month? During part of that time I visited Finland and Estonia. In both places I connected with friends and family. One of the highlights was attending laulupidu (songfest) in Tallinn which takes place every 5 years. There were over 24,000 singers dressed in colorful folk costume on the cavernous stage together. Since my heritage is Estonian it was a great joy for me to be there. Twenty years ago the Estonian people had a spontaneous “singing revolution” which started the chain of events which led to Estonia regaining its independence in 1991 from Russia.
Now I am back to doing new exciting things business wise. On July 16 I am launching my radio show: Vibrant After Fifty. The show is for baby boomers and beyond who want to make this the best time of their life. I will be sharing “how to” suggestions for recharging your life and renewing your spirit.
Most people when they reach their second half of life find themselves thinking about how they want to live the rest of their life. This inward looking is part of that stage of life. In order to keep growing and recharging ones life it is necessary to have energy. We can get new energy in two ways: physical and emotional. In this show I will focus on creating emotional energy for self growth.
In order to live vibrantly after fifty there are three things that we need in order to grow.
1. Energy - for living fully
2. A vision - which gives purpose for living
3. Action - in order to create the life we want
The VIBRANT AFTER FIFTY blog talk radio show will be on Thursday, July 16 at 1 PM EDT. The call in number is: 347-884-8543. This is a weekly show held at the same time every Thursday.
Posted in Grow With Kristina, Making Changes, self-growth, vibrant after fifty | 1 Comment »
Wednesday, June 17th, 2009
In order to be fully engaged in life we have to have energy. Yet a very common refrain that I hear from people is that they do not have enough energy to do what they want to do. So they spend considerable time in passive activities like watching TV or sports. That being the case, the task ahead is to discover and develop sources of energy for renewal. What can we do to create more energy?
We need two kinds of energy: physical and emotional. How can we attain more physical energy? We have to remember that energy is our fundamental source of fuel for being able to be alert, concentrate and stay on tasks. We get this fuel from the foods we eat and how we care for the health of our body. At any age, but especially as we get older, it is important to review our eating and exercise habits.
There is an other source of fuel for living . That is emotional energy. It starts with developing a positive attitude about life. It is incredible how draining a negative attitude can be. Negativity is a well known energy zapper. Unless one is in a serious depression it will take practice to change ones negative mindset. It is well worth the effort because by creating a positive mindset we increase the quality of our lives.
Tags: communication, grow, grow as a person, Kristina von Rosenvinge
Posted in Grow With Kristina, communication, relationships, self-growth | 1 Comment »
