February 3rd, 2010
One of my favorite quotes is “Whatever you can do, or dream you can; begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it” Goethe . Recently I found out that there is a whole other sentence that comes before this quote which states: “Concerning all acts of initiative and creation, there is one elementary truth - that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too”.
The quote that I put first actually comes second. Which only makes sense. It is when we truly commit to something that we experience a boldness within us that pushes us forward like magic. I know that it has happened to me.
At those times I have felt like I am a driver who follows a road that has been created just for me. By that I mean that answers and solutions come from within me without my having to struggle to find them. As I think about it, every time I went through a lengthy struggle period before I got to the place where I was ready to truly commit to a course of action.
I imagine that everyone of us has had experiences like that when we think about our lives. My steps to keep growing and do new things over the years have taken commitment, courage and boldness. It has been when I have talked myself out of making a commitment to a course of action that I have had regrets. Those times I let fear of the unknown and laziness hold me back.
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January 30th, 2010
At least once a week I get an email promising fantastic changes in my life. All I would have to do is sign up with the sender’s program. Promises of financial success, no fail business ventures, finding the right partner, true happiness and so on, all by taking a brief course or program. Who wouldn’t want that?
However reality is that most of us have to work diligently at the changes we want to have happen in our life.
Change takes persistence, commitment and time. Maintaining good health involves regular exercise and good eating habits. Being a loving partner is a life long undertaking. It can not be achieved from a weekend program or a course regardless of what has been promised. True love comes by working on the relationship every day.
To be a parent in a fair and caring takes a daily commitment. Likewise, to be effective at work requires additional learning and trusting ones abilities. Most of all life requires us to keep growing and changing when necessary.
Making changes takes a serious commitment to be the best person one can be. And that in itself is a life long evolving journey.
Tags: grow, grow as a person, Making Changes, self-growth
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January 26th, 2010
If you think you have a problem what you really want is to find a solution. I have found over the years of working with people that in many situation a problem solving approach does not work so well. Looking for solutions achieves good results.
Here is a good example. The other day I coached Judy who had taken the huge step of leaving her secure job to go into business for herself. Now that the initial excitement had worn off and the hard work of marketing and creating a product was in front of her Judy was feeling discouraged. I explained to her that people who are embarking on making changes find that their feelings oscillate until things evolve to a new equilibrium. Instead we focused on finding solutions so she could get unstuck.
I reminded her that she knew best what the next steps needed to be. As she explored her options she came up with a clear plan on what to do next. My task was to ask questions that would lead her towards finding solutions.
Change occurs when we do something differently or look at things differently. Judy shifted her thinking to looking for solutions and as she did that she felt empowered and came up with clear steps as to what she wanted to do next.
Tags: focus on solutions, grow, Kristina von Rosenvinge, Making Changes, solution focus
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January 21st, 2010
I have been fortunate in my work life to be able to do what I enjoy. My passion is helping people empower their lives. It is a good feeling to see people grow in valuing who they are and grow in their ability to deal effectively with whatever life brings.
Although over the years my passion has taken me in varied directions the core has remained the same. I have worked with many individuals and couples who have wanted to put time, money, and effort into improving their lives. My professional training was as a clinical social worker and for many years I had a therapy practice. This evolved into a successful counseling/therapy center which I directed for 20 years.
When my clients no longer needed therapy some asked me to help them take their life to the next level. In order to help them with this next phase of growth I got training as a life coach. Whenever I have felt the need to make changes in my life it has not been easy. I go through several years of agonizing and wondering if it was time to look for a new passion because I know I need change in my life. In variably I have returned to what I love which is helping people empower their lives but how I delivery it is different.
Now my passion is to reach more people and teach them skills that will help empower them. The internet is the perfect place to do that.
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January 19th, 2010
The last seven days have been filled with news of the devastating earthquake in Haiti. I feel for all the people who are desperate to find food, medical care, a place to sleep, and are looking for their loved ones or grieving their loss. They are right now helpless to solve many of these concerns themselves and have to rely on the generosity of others to provide for them. Their needs are overwhelming. I would like to do more than give money and end feel helpless that there is so little I can do.
I have worked with people who have felt helpless in their relationships. These have not been relationships where there is a genuine reason to be afraid. Instead it has been a helplessness of their own making although they have not seen it as such. Instead the person who has felt helpless was deferring to the spouse when it came to making decisions. Gradually that lead to an abdication of ones own power resulting in feeling powerless.
The way to change from feeling helpless is to take action. The first action is to ask “what do I want”. That is the way to get back in touch with ones own essence. I like the following quote by Galileo: “You can not teach a man anything, you have to help him find it within himself”.
Ultimately the people in Haiti will have to go inside themselves and find the strength to rebuild their lives. When they do that they will no longer be helpless.
Tags: feeling helpless, Haiti, Kristina von Rosenvinge, Making Changes, stress
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January 15th, 2010
I have been asked as to why on this site I stress both self-growth and relationship skills. Why not just focus on one or the other. In my mind they are linked.
I think that it is through self-growth that positive changes occur in marriages/relationships. The stronger one’s self-worth (the result of self-growth) the easier it becomes to see the partner as a separate unique person. This clearer sense of self makes it possible to look at conflicts objectively and jointly look for solutions. By valuing who we are we can love others.
Molly and Doug are a couple who have struggled in their marriage. They both feel emotionally vulnerable and easily become defensive and upset with the other. They tend to blame each other for their unhappiness. They have had to look for and appreciate their own strengths and uniqueness instead of waiting for the partner to make him/her OK. As they have taken responsibility to let each other know what they think and feel they have been able to proceed with finding solutions to many of their concerns. Over the next couple weeks I will be developing many of these ideas further.
Look for my new website http://www.Rekindle Your Relationship.com in another two weeks. There you will find a free 33 Tips booklet on Rekindling Your Love.
Tags: empower, grow, Kristina von Rosenvinge, self-growth
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January 12th, 2010
There is no magic answer to rekindling a relationship. There is no one thing that will quickly turn things around. Yet many couples are able to achieve a new closeness in their relationship. You may well ask ” how do they do it?”
After helping many couples rekindle their relationship I have found that there are three things that make a difference.
1. There is a willingness to put time and effort into making changes because each feels that preserving the relationship/marriage still matters.
2. Each is willing to confront how he/she contributes to the relationship struggles
3. They are open to learning new relationship and communication skills.
Relationships that work well allow each person the freedom to be him/herself. Together they decide how these individual needs can be incorporated into their relationship so it will strengthen togetherness.
We live in a quick fix culture. Rekindling a relationship is not a quick fix. Instead it is a journey of new discovery about each other. There has to be a recognition that people and their interests evolve over years and that these changes need to be dealt with. What I see is that most couple’s lives are busy and have become routine. They do not take the time out to let each other know about their inner hopes, frustrations, unhappiness and desires. When they talk about these inner matters with each other they are well on the road to rekindling their relationship.
Tags: grow, Kristina von Rosenvinge, Making Changes, marriage
Posted in Grow With Kristina, Making Changes, communication, growth mindset, relationship skills, relationships | No Comments »
January 6th, 2010
In my last blog I talked about the value of making a commitment to yourself. When we are truly committed to something we don’t feel the need to strive. I shared how I have made a commitment to exercise regularly but I did not accomplish a 30 day blog challenge. The difference was that I had impulsively agreed to the challenge without really making an internal commitment to accomplish the task. With commitment comes a sureness that makes the task something you just do.
This leads me to my next point. Goals are future focused. And that is fine. It only becomes a problem if the future becomes our reality. For instance lets assume that Molly’s goal is to lose 25 pounds. If she sees herself as being OK only after she loses the weight she is going to have a hard time sticking to the goal she has set for herself. The reason is that she is future focused. Far better is she can accept herself in the present. By liking herself just the way she is in the present she will look at her desire to lose weight differently. She will choose to work on losing weight because she wants to be healthy.
Life becomes richer if we truly live in the present and make the most of every day. If we do that the future will evolve in ways that we may not even imagine.
Tags: grow as a person, live in the present, motivation, self-mastery
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January 4th, 2010
When I went to the gym on Saturday, January 2, it was great to see the place so full. I am sure that many of these new people had made a New Year’s resolution to get serious about exercising. Setting goals is important but the challenge is maintaining the resolution.
Several weeks ago I wrote about joining a 30 day challenge to blog daily. I joined it impulsively without really thinking it through if I could do it. Alas, I did not keep it up very long. The timing was not right for me. I did feel badly when I terminated this challenge. In contrast, I enjoyed doing a similar 30 day challenge last May and had not trouble completing it.
Yet I have managed to maintain a regular exercise schedule for a number of years now. I think the difference is that I have made a commitment to myself that I have to do it. My reason is that I want to be healthy and fit as I get older. I have changed my goal to be healthy and fit into a life habit. Now when I miss some days I am eager to get back to my routine. I do remember back that it took a while of trial and error til exercising became a regular part of my life.
This latest blogging challenge was not something I made a total commitment to. I think that unless we truly own our goals it is hard to maintain the discipline to change the goal into a habit. In terms of blogging my goal this year is to blog twice a week. Knowing my pattern, at first I will have to expect myself just to do it. I am eager to see how long it will take me to shift the expectation to blog twice a week into a regular writing habit.
Tags: adapt to change, Kristina von Rosenvinge, resolutions, selfgrowth
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December 21st, 2009
Here in the Eastern United States we have just had a big snow storm. My neighbors were all out yesterday making sure that everyone’s car got dug out from under 20 inches of snow. Whenever there is a weather or other crisis people every where over tend to be thoughtful and generous in showing caring toward others.
Seeing the generosity of spirit brought forth by the snow storm got me thinking about the value of doing acts of random kindness. It is the little things that build closeness and intimacy in relationships. During this season of giving we tend to focus on giving presents to show our love. Yet it will be the giving of our time and caring through out the year that will create closeness in our relationships.
Remember daily to think about what would give your family members pleasure. What do you appreciate about your partner? Be generous with showing gratitude for the meals prepared, the house maintained, the laundry done etc. Gratitude nurtures relationships. Notice what needs to be done and do it. It is the daily acts of kindness - random or routine-that create closeness and love.
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